I have asked Director of Care and Counseling, Rebecca Woodman to share a few thoughts on "Holy Sex" from her perspective. I hope her thoughts are helpful and offer guidance and direction in your intimacy. Holy Sex! It can be the greatest gift to your marriage and it can also be the most challenging aspect in a relationship. Is there such a thing as “holy” sex? If so, what would that mean?
According to the National Health and Social Life Survey of 2013, 88% of married people enjoy having sex with their partner extremely or very much. This number is compared to 72% of divorced and 66% of single folks with current partner. Additionally, it is a proven fact that people who attend church frequently enjoy their sex partner about twice as much as those who are in non-committed relationships. So, the evidence would suggest that such as thing as “holy sex” does exist. I tend to believe the positive data reflects that when we are choosing to put Christ in the center and share in more pure sexual experiences, the closeness, gratification, and fulfillment follow.
A shortened version of what you would hear from me in a counseling setting related to sex is below.
- Get naked in front of one another! Whoa, I bet you are thinking, “Wow, she starts off with the big guns!”. J Well, in a marriage relationship, God desires for us to be naked and unashamed with one another – Genesis 3:7.
- Going to bed at the same time is likely to increase the emotional connection and therefore the frequency of physical intimacy.
- Sex requires vulnerability. Vulnerability is a necessary and beautiful gift in marriage. God desires for you to fully trust your mate. Knowing that sometimes hurt or disappointment can cause one to avoid wanting to be vulnerable or to feel unsafe in the relationship, it is crucial that you work toward the goal.
- Regardless of whether you want to believe it, pornography kills sexual intimacy. Porn is introducing another person into your bedroom, taking your mind to unhealthy places where Christ is not invited, and leads to feelings of pain, rejection, and comparison.
- When you are in the moment of passion, concentrate on the joy and satisfaction that you are able to bring your spouse. Be intentional about clearing your mind so that you can be mentally present.
- Wives, remember that you were a wife before you were a mother. The changes to your body that childbearing may have caused or the fatigue that has now set in does not prevent you from being the most beautiful and prized treasure to your husband – Song of Songs 4:1.
- Husbands, your wife needs a runway when it comes to sex. She doesn’t just take-off when you are ready. Use words throughout the day to remind her of how important she is in your life. Truly listening to her and encouraging her are some of the most seductive things you can do.
- Single folks, your body does not control you, you control your body. Make a decision that you will not put yourself in positions where you will fall prey to allowing lust to take over. Treat your date like you would want your son/daughter to be treated one day.
- Remember that while she is thinking “all he ever wants is sex,” he is thinking “why wouldn’t she want sex?” and while she needs conflict resolved before having sex, sex is his way of getting close after conflict.
- Focus on the affection and not the expectation. Sex is about being intimate and close with the one to whom God has given you, it is not solely about gratification.
As always, the Forest Hill Care and Counseling team is on hand to walk with you and support you through either the pain of sexual sin or the struggle of physical intimacy within marriage.
Enjoy having “holy sex” because you were created for it and it delights the heart of God!
Many blessings – Rebecca Woodman, Director of Care and Counseling
If you like to read the insights from the daily Bible reading in Mark, please click here.